“The antidote to fear is trust, and we all have a desire to find something to trust in an uncertain world. Fear and trust are powerful forces, and while they are not opposites, exactly, trust is the best tool for driving out fear.”

― Ed Catmull, Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration

Last month, I was the keynote speaker at the BIWOC Conference by UNIFOR Canada, a day centered on mental health, wellness and addressing anti-Asian racism.

It was my first time being a keynote speaker in front of a large audience, and naturally, I was quite nervous. When I started talking, I stuttered and had to pause and restart a few times. I laughed and told the audience I was anxious, and everyone clapped to encourage me! 

I had my notes, and my hands were sweaty, the lights were bright, and my stutter sometimes made me more anxious. Self-doubt, embarrassment and a bit of frustration showed up along with my anxiety.

Thoughts: is the presentation good enough? Is it enough for a keynote speaking engagement?

I apologized several times and finally took a deep breath to speak. I shared that I was nervous. The audience was encouraging even though everything was quite stimulating at the moment.

Later, after my presentation, which was a blur, people approached me to empathize with my nervousness and tell me that they resonated with what I shared.

When you share your humanness, it opens up dialogue.

Dialogue is needed for us to heal in this world. This week and this month have been one of transitions, changes, challenges, and feeling the chaos in the world right now. In short, it’s tough being human in this world, and it’s not just you.

When we experience unraveling, vulnerability, messiness, or fear, we have an opportunity to strengthen our relationships with ourselves and others.

We are so good at taking in our perceptions outside of ourselves and taking them within us. But remember, the chaos around you does not need to lead to chaos inside you. The antidote to anxiety truly isn’t being calm; it’s about accepting the feelings and understanding that you can still trust yourself. When we start to feel safe, even our anxieties aren’t as scary or able to control us.

Here are a few ways to cultivate the practice of trust within yourself:

1. Allow the grief. Grieve for what you hoped for and no longer is. Feel the feelings. Face your fears. Burying it will only cause it to fester and compound despite its pain.

2. Expand your container/space. Take deep breaths deep into your body, imagining your thoughts and feelings shrinking as you embrace them in a warm hug. These feelings are part of you, but so is your capacity for compassion. It may feel heavy, but having more space means you can spread and tackle things one bit at a time.

4. Befriend your inner critic enough so that you can dim its weight on you. Notice if the soundtrack of “could’ve” “should’ve” “why is this happening” “I’m so angry” “WTF” “what if” is on repeat. It’s ok; let it be felt; it’s telling you something about what you care about and who you are. This can also be a waste of energy since it prevents you from accepting what IS, which is the first step towards taking action and feeling better. You can learn to feel your feelings and quiet the soundtrack simultaneously; this is exactly when the aha moments happen. This is where self-trust begins.
5. This, too, shall pass. None of these feelings last forever. Remember these moments as a bookmark for next time you feel. Try sharing it with someone about it. Allow them to meet you in the middle or allow the feelings to fuel you more towards what you believe in.

If you are seeking support this season, consider booking a free consultation with me to see if therapy is a good choice for you!

Rooting for you,

Vera