Vulnerability is often misunderstood. Many of us, especially in Asian households, are conditioned to view it as a weakness, something to be hidden away to avoid rejection or judgment and thus internalized shame. 

In my last newsletter, we uncovered some of the beliefs we need to embrace for vulnerability to become a tool and partner in healing our past conditioning, triggers, and wounds.

Living out these truths and embracing these unfamiliar values takes time and patience with ourselves and sometimes a trusted therapist or friend to reflect on how things turned out. Know that it’s okay to make “mistakes” and not get it “right” at times.

There was a time when I was afraid to show my true feelings, worried that others might see me as weak or less capable. I would hide behind a mask of professionalism, keeping my struggles and insecurities locked away. I was feeling overwhelmed and isolated, and I realized something needed to change.

Over some time, with lots of resistance and learning from each iteration, I showed up on social media and speaking engagements, sharing more of the raw struggles of my challenges with anxiety along with the tools that have helped me.

To closer friends, I shared my fears, doubts, and the overwhelming pressure I felt to always have it all together as a “professional.” To my surprise (to my mind, body, and nervous system), my friends didn’t judge me or pull away. Instead, they listened, supported me, and shared their own experiences of vulnerability. At that moment, I felt a profound sense of connection and relief. It started to heal me and even rewrite some of the conditioning from my upbringing.

Practicing sharing our process (no matter how messy or put together) ultimately allows us to connect with others on a deeper level, be seen for who we truly are, and build relationships based on authenticity and trust.

Practicing vulnerability has transformed my life, not only as a therapist but also as a person. It’s allowed me to be more present, compassionate, and connected with the people I care about. I believe it can also have a profound impact on your life.

Let’s dive into a few exercises or prompts you can try on your own or with a trusted friend or therapist to explore what vulnerability can mean in your life now! (Feel free to save these and get back to them any time!)

The Power of Vulnerability: Lessons from The Gifts of Imperfection

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown introduces the concept of “wholehearted living,” which she describes as engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. 

At the heart of this concept is vulnerability—the willingness to show up and be seen, even when there are no guarantees. Vulnerability is not about winning or losing; it’s about having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.

Here are a few key takeaways from her research about vulnerability:

Cultivate Self-Compassion: Imperfection is a part of the human experience. Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes or feel inadequate.

Let Go of Perfectionism: Understand that perfectionism is a shield we use to protect ourselves from shame, judgment, and blame. Embrace your imperfections.

Practice Gratitude: Gratitude helps us focus on the positives in our lives and builds resilience. When we are grateful, we can approach vulnerability from a place of abundance rather than scarcity.

Set Boundaries: Vulnerability requires boundaries. It’s important to know who has earned the right to hear your story and to protect your emotional well-being.

It’s important to remember that vulnerability doesn’t mean revealing everything to everyone. It’s about being selective and intentional with your openness.

How Do You Expect People to Know You?

One powerful question I often ask my clients is: How do you expect people to know you if you aren’t being authentic?

What is an “authentic connection” anyway?

When we hide our true selves, we limit the depth of our relationships. People can only get to know the surface of who we are, leaving our deeper, more raw self unseen (the part that shows up with your heart). Letting others in is ours alone, and while it can be scary, it is also empowering.

Vulnerability is a risk, but it’s also an opportunity to let others truly see and connect with you.

The Boundary Circles Exercise: Creating Mental Boundaries

Without boundaries, we risk overexposing ourselves or shutting others out entirely. The Boundary Circles exercise is a useful tool for creating mental boundaries in relationships. Try it out!

Step 1: Draw Four Circles

Start by drawing four concentric circles on a piece of paper. Label them as follows:

Inner Circle: Yourself

Second Circle: Close Friends and Family

Third Circle: Acquaintances and Colleagues

Outer Circle: Public World

Step 2: Define Each Circle

Inner Circle (Yourself): This is your core. It’s where you hold your deepest thoughts, emotions, and vulnerabilities. Only you reside here, and it’s your safe space for self-reflection and self-compassion.

Second Circle (Close Friends and Family): These are the people who have earned your trust and with whom you feel safe being vulnerable. Share your authentic self with them, knowing they will support you without judgment.

Third Circle (Acquaintances and Colleagues): Here reside the people you interact with regularly but who may not be privy to your innermost thoughts and feelings. You can be open with them to a certain extent, but you maintain boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.

Outer Circle (Public World): This circle is for casual interactions, such as with strangers or online communities. Here, your vulnerability is more guarded, and you share only what feels safe and appropriate for a broader audience.

Step 3: Reflect on Your Boundaries

Take some time to reflect on how you currently engage with people in each circle. Are there areas where you need to adjust your boundaries? Are there people in your inner circle who haven’t earned that level of trust? Or are you keeping close friends at a distance out of fear?

The goal is to create a balance where you feel safe being vulnerable with those who have earned your trust while protecting your emotional core.

Journaling Prompts for Exploring Vulnerability

Reflect on a Time You Felt Truly Seen: Write about an experience where you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, and it was met with understanding and support. How did it feel?

Identify Your Fears: What are you afraid might happen if you let people see the real you? Where do these fears come from? How can you challenge them?

Define Authenticity: What does being authentic mean to you? How do you differentiate between your true self and the self you present to the world? How does it feel in your body when you’ve been more authentic versus less?

Visualize Your Ideal Self: Picture your most authentic self. How do you interact with others? How do you handle vulnerability? What steps can you take to move closer to this version of yourself today?

Being vulnerable is a courageous act. It requires us to let go of the need for perfection and  embrace the messiness of life. 

And no, vulnerability is not about oversharing or exposing yourself to harm. It’s about being you more and in places that you allow and allowing those who have earned your trust to see the real you.

 As Brené Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”

Take small steps. Use the Boundary Circles exercise to guide you. Journal to explore your fears and aspirations. And always remember, you have the power to choose who you let in.

You are enough just as you are.

Rooting for you,

Vera